Fifteen For years I was married and was sure it would last a lifetime. That was four years ago now. Then I found out that he had been leading a double life with another woman for years. I knew her. It was the Sister of my best friendMultiple people had betrayed me. My friend had known about it the whole time and hadn't said a word. My world collapsed. That very same day I moved out and ended contact with my husband.
I was wildly determined to start a new life. Important in this, I wanted to try out a different relationship model: From now on I wanted to have five lovers at the same time! Why five, my girlfriends asked. I knew not a single man, that had just failed spectacularly. In my marriage I had focused on my "dream prince" and hadn't noticed that I had given up myself. That must not happen again, rose-colored clouds had no place in my new life.
Having only two or three lovers seemed too risky to me, I would have fallen back on the one too quickly. I don't like the number four. So it had to be five to be, that seemed safer to me. Everyone should about my Experiment knowing what's what, unlike my ex-husband I was wildly determined to be and remain honest.
I HAVE CHANGED A LOT SINCE THE SEPARATION.
My husband always criticized me when I wore a short skirt or high heels. He said such things in a roundabout way, because he considered himself open-minded and tolerant. But I was too sexy for him then. That was probably the real reason. When he disappeared from my life, I gave all my clothes to charity. I went shopping and got myself form-fitting things, got a spectacular hair extension and treated myself to a personal trainer. My girlfriends barely recognized me. I looked much better than during my marriage, my self-confidence grew.
I started my Experiment, in which I wrote a wish list. For example, I had dreamed of having an opera singer as a boyfriend, now the time had come to catch one for myself. I thought carefully about how and where I could best meet men. I decided to go out, forced myself to approach a stranger on the street for once and to register on internet portals. I met the first of my "candidates" by chance, he was a friend of a neighbor – coincidentally an opera singer. I was amazed at so much luck! Winston came from the States and was in a committed relationship back home. But that didn't matter, I only wanted him as a lover while he was in Europe. And since I didn't know his girlfriend – my only taboo! –, we met again and again.
Meisl's cigar afterwards I am aware of my power as a woman
For my LoveExperiment it wasn't important to me that all candidates remained by my side permanently. It was about me liking each one of them, being able to enjoy the time with them, and not fixating on one of them. Through the different men I learned a great deal. Something different from each one. Each man represented different topics and interests and thus conversation topics, each kissed differently, had different sexual preferences. It was inspiring and thrilling and certainly not as exhausting as it might sound, after all I didn't see each one every week. If one was unavailable, I wasn't disappointed, but called one of the other four candidates. I dealt with this relationship model quite openly and honestly, made no secret of it. Most took it positively, they found it courageous that I simply took what I wanted. A few female friends felt inspired and even copied it. It only became complicated when things got serious between Tekim, number three, and me. He had courted me from the beginning, and one day he said that he was faithful to me, that he only wanted me and no other. He didn't care that I had other lovers, but he only loved me. Apparently I had awakened his ambition, he wrote to me daily, visited me, swore his love to me. My feelings for him grew deeper and deeper. I broke off the project, which had been running for a year at that time, and told all the other men that I wouldn't meet them anymore for now. A big mistake. After a few weeks my new "Number one", that he desired another woman and this, monogamy but would be nothing for him. I was perplexed and disappointed. Once again, a man had broken my heart. Even though I had done everything to separate love and sex. In that moment I was absolutely glad that I had my 5-men project. I continued exactly where I had left off before the relationship attempt with Tekim. I swore never to give it up again for a man. After months of distance, I even managed to get involved with the heartbreaker again and to no longer be angry or disappointed.
Source: grazia.pdf
PHOTOS: TRUNKARCHIVE.COM, KIRSTEN BECKEN
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